Lab Subscription Tiers
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One-time payment. No subscription. Unlocks everything for life.
Junior Investigator
$0forever
- ✓ 1 forensics run per day
- ✓ 3 weather-calibrated recipes per run
- ✓ 1 sponsor-read audio clip per run
- ✓ Save up to 3 recipes
- ✓ Full spice pad (the good jazz)
- ✗ Pro voices locked
- ✗ No PDF export
Currently active
Lab Director
$2.99one-time
- ✓ Unlimited forensics runs
- ✓ Sponsor-read audio on all 3 recipes
- ✓ 4 voice personas: Bro, NPR, Infomercial, True Crime
- ✓ Unlimited cookbook saves
- ✓ PDF lab-report export
- ✓ Lifetime access — no subscription
FAQ
Is this really $2.99 once?
Yes. One payment, lifetime access. No subscription, no recurring bills, no "trial" gotchas.
What's the "sponsor read" thing?
For each recipe, a podcast host reads a fake ad break in the voice of someone overselling a sponsor — except the sponsor is the half-onion in your crisper. It is genuinely funny.
Where does the weather come from?
Open-Meteo, a free public weather API. We use it to calibrate recipes — cold rainy night gets braised stuff, hot humid gets chilled noodles.
Are the recipes real?
Yes — Claude generates real, cookable home dinners with proper steps and timing. The lab-report styling is just for fun.
Money-back?
It's $2.99. If you hate it, email and we'll refund. We're not monsters.
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Field Report
“The infomercial voice yelling about my expired sour cream made my partner cry laughing. Then we ate the actual recipe and it was excellent. Worth $2.99 ten times over.”
— anon, junior investigator turned lab director